Tag: adoption

Aug 12 2015 2 Commentsby writekara@gmail.com

Hudson has a family!

I fell asleep last night, phone in hand, with full intentions to wait up for the moment pictures were posted of Hudson (aka Apu) meeting his parents. Our household has been a flurry of back to school madness and today was our first day! It was Hannah’s first day of kindergarten and Eli’s first day of second day. So emotions were already high! Thanks to the kindness of my beloved Obie Nugget (who must always take his longest jaunt outside during middle of the night hours), I did wake up a little after midnight and saw that sweet boy in the arms of his mama and baba. I gave Eli the same bleary eyed wake-up call a few hours later. He held the phone as close as he could, studying his worlds colliding-our friends, Meghan and Chuck, holding Apu-now Hudson- in the same room we met Eli a little over a year ago.

As we got ready for the first day of school, Eli chattered about his wish to play baseball with Hudson, eat sushi together, and show him his room (the essentials in life). We walked our friend Kayleigh out to the bus and my phone lit up with a Facetime attempt. When the line connected, it was pure magic. Eli and Hudson stared at each other waving and I could hear Hudson repeating Eli’s Chinese name Dang Qien, Dang Qien, Dang Qien! Over and over. Eli waved saying, “Apu Apu!!!! Wo Ai Ni! (I love you)”

It.was.amazing.

There are so many mornings that I wake up and read about something horrible that has happened in this world. These stories stick with me-so much so that I often feel compelled to later torture Adam with them after we’ve endured our own hard enough days out in this world.

Today was the complete and polar opposite. For all the times you wonder, HOW could this happen?! today’s events are no less momentous. All of the details that fell into place for today to come true are truly a miracle:

Even though Hudson is 5, his file was only created three months before we brought Eli home. Without a file, we’d have had no way to find the little boy Eli missed so much.

Even that missing is incredible. Eli didn’t only grieve the loss of Apu in HIS life but he wanted him to experience what he had….a family. Each and every day, we are still working to catch up on things that weren’t taught/weren’t learned from Eli’s years of waiting. The connection and consistency that Eli expresses when he talks about Apu has given me hope that those seeds are there…we just need to keep watering them with love.

When Becky (here’s her blog)-another adoptive mama I’m so thankful to have as a mentor-helped me find Apu’s file, I dreamed of a day I could tell Eli that someone adopted his friend. When Meghan told me that she and Chuck were taking the plunge, we dreamed bigger. Eli and Hudson could be together again-to laugh, to play, and to grow up-each with their own families and soft places to fall during hard times.

The details that make any adoption a reality-especially at a relatively fast pace-are also no small feat.

I believe that where there is great love there are miracles. Today is one of those miracle days and I’m so thankful and so honored that I get to live it.

Apr 26 2015 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Sharing a past, sharing a future: Apu’s next chapter

Posted in Adoption, Family

Twenty-five Sundays ago, I shared a story about the other little boy at our table.

Tonight-I share the beautiful next chapter for this little boy!

When I shared our family’s wish that Apu would be adopted, the best outcome I’d imagined was learning that Apu had been adopted. I didn’t know if I’d ever even find out the identity of his family. I didn’t know we’d be able to give Eli any details about Apu’s life since they last said goodbye. I simply hoped that I could tell Eli that because he carried such a big and heavy love for his friend across an ocean into a whole new world that his friend, too, would have a chance at everything Eli worried he was missing. I’m so proud of my sweet boy. While there are so, so many ways that Eli is completely different than those first few days and weeks, his sensitive, loving, and thoughtful personality has remained the same.

The reality of the next chapter is even better than we could have dreamed! Meghan, a co-worker and now a friend, started the process to adopt Apu (soon-to-be Hudson) a few months ago. They now await their Letter of Approval and hope to travel to China to bring home Apu AND his little brother some time this summer/early fall. One of my all-time favorite parts of the adoption journey has been watching the relationship between Hannah and Eli bloom. Hannah’s been an incredible teacher, protector, playmate, and friend. Eli is patient with her 4-year-old moments and he lives for weekends when they can camp out together. I’m so happy that Apu will also have sibling and I can’t wait to see these four together.

Our family has felt so thankful at each and every step in our journey. From the professionals that helped us navigate the adoption process as two parents with disabilities to the countless people who prayed, donated, and supported Eli’s journey home. Our gratitude now encircles two amazing parents who not only will welcome home two boys but who will also give our son a precious connection to his past. We have no other concrete knowledge of Eli’s past. I’ve spent nights wishing for a note, something left behind with him, or even a “real” birth date. This gift of a connection is so much more powerful. Apu and Eli share a past and can now share a future.

To celebrate this incredible story, our friend Eric Smith made a video (that we’ve watched no less than 50 times!):

To follow Meghan and Chuck’s journey to Hudson (Apu) and his little brother Chase, visit their blog: http://www.happyfamilyof5.com/

There are several options to support Meghan and Chuck and a new one that we’ll be announcing soon! Stay tuned!

Aug 13 2014 1 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Coming to the surface

Posted in Adoption, Home

2014-08-10 15.36.21 We’ve been home for 12 days and I still have moments when I look at Eli and can’t believe he is really here. Since coming home, we’ve been immersed in our own version of cocooning. Much of the literature around adoption and attachment suggests a period of cocooning. During this time, families try to avoid overstimulation, limit visitors and outings, and most importantly-spend time together focusing on meeting the needs of the new child and in our case, the new-to-sisterhood child. Besides posting some too cute for words pictures and keeping Hannah’s schedule mostly intact, we’ve unplugged from much of our usual worlds. We have enjoyed visits and visiting a few close family members and friends. Eli and Hannah love the park and we’ve made a consistent effort to embrace our moments of peace and harmony.

We’ve learned a great deal about Eli in just a few weeks. From the medical (today was his first orthopedic appointment) to the hard to hear (as interpreters offer brief glimpses of his past through his eyes). I find myself so eager to overcome our language differences and when we have the gift of easier communication through an interpreter, we hang on Eli’s every word.

2014-08-12 17.59.53

There have been so many firsts that they are hard to summarize. Tonight, he met his new teacher and visited his new school. It was an incredible feeling watching him walk ahead of me (wearing the gigantic backpack he insisted he wear tonight) and knowing that he can now-FINALLY pursue what every child deserves-an education.

Many of our firsts are less momentous than the start of school but equally meaningful in our lives. When we met Eli, he seemed oblivious to the idea of making his own choices. As two crazy parents that offered Hannah choices long before she could talk, we were taken aback. How do you teach someone to make a choice? to know what they prefer? There are so many aspects of parenting an older adopted child that are so vastly different than what our approach might be with Hannah. It’s a challenge to make these two parenting worlds meet in the middle and more often than not-we’re all learning as we go. As we’ve done dozens of times since we met Eli, Adam offered him a choice of shirts as they laid out clothes for tomorrow. Without hesitation, Eli touched the shirt he wanted….and with that, a choice was made! We are so fortunate to see the world through completely new eyes. While the going is sometimes rough right now-whether it be learning to share as a new sister or learning to navigate this completely confusing new world for Eli, we are taking it one day at a time and ending each day with how thankful we are to be together. underwater

As a swimmer, I’ve always loved the way light dances on water-especially from beneath the surface. I can see the end of our cocooning as school starts in just a couple of days. We spent much of last week arranging Eli’s placement and school accommodations. He’ll be in first grade! Next week, we’ll both start back to work and eventually, we’ll start adding an activity or two that Eli might like to explore to our schedules. I’m grateful for our time in this immersion of family life. From above the surface, I’m sure it might seem like a vacation. While there have been plenty of laughs and some amazing time spent together, like swimming under the surface…..it is hard work. It is soul-wrenching, heart-growing, hard work. All of us-me, Adam, Eli, and even Hannah-have gone to bed each night exhausted. It is easy to love but such hard work to chip away at a past while creating a new future. I am looking forward to coming to the surface-rejoining our co-workers, friends, more family, and other supporters in the community. If you see me out and I look a little water logged though, you know why:)

Jul 22 2014 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Day 4: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Posted in Adoption, Travel

Blood: With Eli’s red handprint and our red thumb prints over our signatures, Elijah Qian Ayers is officially ours in the eyes of the government here! We returned to the same government building where we met Eli to conclude what is called the “acceptance” period of 24 hours. This time with a much cleaner boy who was WIRED from the start this morning. He opened his eyes, popped out of bed, and opened every curtain and turned on every light…ready to GO! When we got to the office building, he spotted a ride-on toy. This room holds these adoption ceremonies every week. He was a wild man and yelled to our guide in Mandarin, “This is my motorbike!” A few seconds later though (and right as the government officials tried to start the ceremony), he tipped the toy and smacked his chin on the granite floor. I popped to the floor and cupped his chin, which was bleeding pretty bad. He cried but only for a few seconds. If we were in the States, some adhesive would probably help close it but overall, we are thankful it wasn’t worse. I have a feeling it won’t be his first bump or bruise but this one was hard to see.

Sweat: Our boy is a SWEATER! Even though today was the coolest day so far, it was still HOT. We went to a beautiful park after our adoption business was finished. There’s a lake filled with giant lily pads and a few small rides. Eli rode a train (for almost 10 minutes!) as ping pong balls shot in the air and he caught them with a net. He loved it. Our walk back brought on more sweat. Scooters FLY back driving both ways on the sidewalks. Cars don’t stop and go with any shared rules so you cross by weaving through moving cars and scooters. Our morning started off with some adrenaline as we sat in the hotel lobby eating breakfast and what sounded like a machine gun firing filled the area. I was a half second from hitting the deck when another adoption guide came down and said it a wedding. Between the heat and fearing for one’s life, I’d be worried if one of us wasn’t a hot, sweaty mess!

Tears: Overall, our day was again amazing. Eli proudly announces we are his parents everywhere we go. Even people who look pretty grumpy seem to soften when he points to us and says, “These are my mama and baba!” It’s pretty tear inducing how he says it with such pride. Those tears are easier than others… When we got back from the park, everyone was tired. Eli’s legs are pretty bowed and he has some significant bowing. His legs tire before he does and I know that’s frustrating. As we laid down, he asked me what I thought was could he watch TV. I used our phone translator app to say it was time to rest. He obediently laid down (hands folded again on his chest) but silent tears streamed from his eyes. It appeared he was in thought. We used the app to ask if we could help and let him know it was ok to be sad and we knew this was hard. I was prepared for him to grieve and know it’s actually a good sign for attachment…but it was still heartbreaking.

Tomorrow-we head to Eli’s hometown-where he was left as an infant and where he’s spent his entire life. It is a 3-4 van ride in the country each way. Please keep us in your thoughts as we anticipate it will be our most difficult part of the trip.

Hoping for some sleep tonight

Jul 20 2014 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Day 2: Henan and a lot of elephants

Posted in Adoption, Travel

Another travel day and this one a little more challenging but well worth the endpoint.
Our taxi driver (who we met at the airport) walked us in and tried VERY vigorously to advocate for us to be moved through what seem like somewhat random lines. The “accessible passage” lines never had anyone else with visible disabilities. Our driver was more passionate than effective though so he eventually wished us luck and we waited…with our boarding passes in hand, we headed to domestic security. Their rules are different so some of our portable chargers had to be cleared. I was thankful they didn’t take our electronics!
We boarded without too much trouble. There seems to be no such knowledge of an aisle chair here so I climb/crawl and Adam knee walks. We also repeat what a new friend with OI who lived in China advised, “Mei wen to”. It means “I’m ok. No problem.” We repeat this because people are trying to be helpful but could cause more harm than good.
When we arrived in Zhengzhou, we climbed to the bottom of the stairs on the jetway and managed to advocate for our need for chairs THEN and not at the baggage claim. Once we had our own wheels, the flight crew found us new “VIP” van to the terminal. even through their learning curve of what we needed, everyone was really nice.
Once we got our baggage, we met our guide Rosary. She is amazing. So knowledgable and kind. I couldn’t be more grateful we have her by our side for this adventure.
She brought us to our hotel where we met 3 other families who are adopting! I’d known 2 of these from the Facebook groups that have taught me so much about his process. Eventually, we walked to another nearby hotel for what turned out to be a very confusing but hilarious meal . Adam thought he was ordering egg drop soup for all of us and instead, it was congee (a watery oatmeal-type dish). I was so hungry but my lack of chop stick skills were frustrating!
After lunch, we walked to this beautiful park. We do see a major difference In stares here but we’ve been so distracted by the life-threatening scooters on the sidewalk that we’ve got more important things to pay attention to….like surviving!
After all this-we couldn’t help but crash for a few hours. We missed out on easy/safe dinner options so a granola bar will do until morning.

One last little tidbit before signing off…
Ladybugs are a popular sign for Chinese adoption. Maybe because I can’t dress my lil guy in ladybugs, I haven’t collected much ladybug paraphernalia. Instead, I have a couple of adoption t-shirts with elephant designs from friends’ fundraisers who are adopting from Africa.
In painting my nails for the trip, I picked out ELEPHANTastic pink AND in response to my pants problem, I bought a pair of black leggings with elephants on them the night before we left. I don’t typically wear animals on my pants but I thought Eli might like them. and the final elephant connection….Our guide said that the character that represents Eli’s province translates to mean “a lot elephants” because this area used to have a high population of these animals. They might seem silly connections but it’s just one of so many signs that we were meant to climb this mountain. I’m so glad I have the partner I do to climb it with me and grateful we didn’t change course in moments of doubt, fear, and uncertainty.

Tomorrow is THE day. Eli is in his bed spending his last night as an orphan.

See you in the morning sweet boy. We love you!

Jul 10 2014 1 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Hannah’s Handbook

Posted in Adoption, Travel

Besides making sure we remember our toothbrushes and wheelchairs (or more accurately the flight crew remembers to load/unload those!), our most important preparations center on making sure that we’ve planned all that we can for Hannah while we are away.

In my anxious state, I’ve created a “Hannah Handbook” and shared it with the crew of family that will care for Hannah while we’re in China. I thought I’d share the headings for other adoptive families who might be preparing their little ones for an adventure of their own while their parents are in China.

Here’s what we’ve covered:

General Rules: For us, this includes the basics. Be Kind. Climbing and jumping off high objects if for gymnastics. Be a good listener and follow directions. Hannah recently informed my mom that I allow her to look under bathroom stalls “to see who’s under there” so I thought it would be helpful to clarify that we do, in fact, have a few basic rules!

Consequences: This covers how our family handles discipline. We primarily use 1, 2, 3 Magic with an emphasis on Hannah learning self-control. She’s encouraged to go to her room to calm down if needed and we don’t negotiate with whining terrorists.

Routines: This section covers our approach to morning and bedtime routines. I’m hoping little details (like the fact we read 3 books before bed) will help bring some stability and normality to Hannah’s little world while we are gone. There’s also the necessity to use her “magic” hair brush for tangles (or apparently it’s equivalent to cruel and unusual punishment).

Weekly Schedule: The bulk of the document involves a detailed planned schedule for the event. I included addresses, directions, phone numbers, and a couple of pictures for landmarks.

Favorite Outings: I’ve listed our top 3 playgrounds with addresses and their differences along with our library.

In case of illness/emergency: Here I’ve listed our pediatrician’s information along with where our medication/thermometer is located in the house. I’ve also listed vet information for our dog and our neighbor’s contact should their be a local ~~crisis~~ event.

And last but not least, we’ve created and hung our Summer Fun list. I intentionally added a few activities that I know Hannah can check off during our time in China. She’ll have sleepovers with cousins, a trip to the dentist (she’s unaware this isn’t on everyone else’s summer fun list!), and she’ll make art with her Birdie (aka her grandma). And there’s the MOST exciting event-WELCOME ELI HOME!

Now that this item (Hannah’s Handbook) is checked off my gigantic to do list, we’re on to packing this weekend!

Jul 09 2014 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Celebrating Eli Shower Style

Posted in Adoption, Family

We are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many loving and supportive people who-from the very beginning-have helped us roll Eli home. Before the complete craze of packing takes over our household, I wanted to reflect on a few recent adoption celebrations. The most recent being TODAY! My co-workers and supervisors threw me a surprise adoption shower during our staff meeting! I’m not the easiest person to surprise (or so I’ve been told) but it was so much fun to be completely caught off guard. In addition to the kind words, sweet gifts, and assurances that my recent fear a bird will fly int our plane engine is really irrational, I’m thankful that my co-workers and so many friends and family share our excitement. Prior to embarking on our journey, I naively believed that everyone thought adoption was as awesome as I always have. Everyone doesn’t. It makes me appreciate those that do all the more!

Here’s a picture from our Under the Sea themed shower at UC UCEDD (Shameless plug to LIKE our Facebook to find our more about our work for and with people with disabilities):

I didn’t blog about it at the time, but my family also threw me a shower in early spring. With a combination of gifts and amazing gently used cloths from so many, many cousins, Eli’s drawers are full! In a couple weeks, we’ll know what actually fits but he’s off to a great start. Here are a few pictures from our family shower.
My mom made a picture book for Eli:

For our super hero:

Mernie the Great is excited to become a great-grandmother for the FOURTH time!

And last but not least-we’re celebrating our almost-the-end-of-the-road by sharing our story! We were featured this week in the Cincinnati Enquirer. If you missed it, here’s the link: http://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2014/07/06/mason-couple-dwarfism-china-adoption/12277187/

As you can see, Hannah was pretty amused with her press coverage:

Just 10 days until we leave!
The countdown is on!

Jul 04 2014 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

Two words we’ve been waiting to say!

Posted in Adoption, Fundraiser

Our flights are booked (all 3 of them!).

Hotels are reserved (also 3!).

We’re braving one train and with every step of this adventure planning, my mind returns to one conclusion:We can.not.wait. to meet our boy.

In the last few days, I’ve made his first doctor’s appointments, filled out school paperwork, and set up his afterschool arrangements for the three days that I work outside the home. We’ve made progress in packing and have stocked a small infirmary to take with us. We’re list-making maniacs! If it wasn’t enough to plan for our travels, we’ve also got Hannah’s plans for our trip finalized. She’ll be with a star-studded collection of aunts, Birdies, cousins, and loved ones. We hope she’ll barely notice we’re absent but we know that’s unlikely. We’re recording a few video snippets of messages for her to see us when we might be unable to Facetime (due to the need to sleep in China!). In the event you were plotting a ransack, we’ve also got the house covered-with armed guards and/or a diligent crew of house sitters. And we can’t forget about grumpy sweet Obie Nugget. He’ll be under the care and supervision of Birdie (my mom).

It’s been a busy but miraculous few days. After nearly 10 rejections for adoption grants, we’d begun to strategize and regroup to determine the best way to finance the final portion of our adoption. From the start, we’ve expressed our belief that there are many, many families who can give a loving home to a child in need. Most families who can afford another child (including a child with a disability) need assistance to pay the large upfront costs of adoption. We often hear from people, “I’d love to adopt but it’s too expensive.” It is expensive and very very few people can afford adoption in its entirety. It’s a leap of faith and one that’s not intended for everyone. Our family though tends to find a way/make a way. Building our family has always demanded courage. We’ve swallowed our pride and focused on our faith in interdependence of a community to make a BIG difference…and the results have been amazing. We’ve been overcome by the support, generosity, and love that has been showered on our family. We are so very thankful. From individuals to large organizations-we have been blessed. After submitting applications months ago and following up for weeks (often daily), we’ve been approved for five adoption grants in the last week!

And finally…we can say the two words we’ve been waiting to say….We are….

FULLY FUNDED!

By the end of next week, our adoption fees will be paid!

Our hearts are already so full and so ready to meet Eli and bring him home. It is an incredible gift that we can embark on this journey knowing that the financial portion of our adventure is fulfilled. We’ve worked hard. Our friends and families have worked hard and given so selflessly. I’ve kept Eli’s dignity and integrity at the forefront of my mind in each and every effort to fundraise. I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished and to celebrate-we’d like to share a video we’ve received of Eli celebrating!

Here’s Eli blowing out his birthday candles we sent to the orphanage. I love his smile in the very first, few seconds. I’ve watched it round abouts 7,000 times. See you soon Eli:)

Jun 16 2014 0 Commentby writekara@gmail.com

We have TRAVEL APPROVAL!

Posted in Adoption, Travel

Just got the call and we have TRAVEL APPROVAL (TA)! The letter from China saying we can come pick up Eli arrived to our agency this afternoon! They’re confirming our Consulate Appointment (CA) now and we should have that by tomorrow! The CA just tells us our last appointment in China so that determines when we can come home. We’ll need that information to book our flights but we’re fairly certain that we’ll meet Eli on July 21.<——It doesn’t yet feel real to type that sentence!

There are round abouts 1.7 million details to work out now that we finally KNOW the dates-there are flights, hotels, and care for Hannah while we are gone. I’ll also be making calls (again) to all the grants we are still awaiting word from to see if we can get their final decision asap. We need to be fully funded well before we depart because our fees have to be wired there in advance. We’re hoping that our BW3 fundraiser nights are successful and now they’ll be even more fun as a send-off of sorts for China!

More updates coming this week but for now-time to celebrate! we’re coming soon Eli!

Jun 04 2014 2 Commentsby writekara@gmail.com

The most difficult letter I’ve ever written…

Posted in Adoption

Almost 4 years ago, I jumped on the mom blogger bandwagon to write a few letters to my then-baby Hannah. I revisited this one and this one today and smiled as I recounted our nighttime routines and how much I worried about leaving tiny Hannah when I returned to work. I remember these letters flowing easily. I imagined Hannah reading them as a teenager and rolling her eyes and then-maybe…with some luck-reading them as an adult with amusement. The letters weren’t an introduction. I write as if I’m actively getting to know Hannah, which I was.

Last week, Adam and I sat together to write another sort of letter. We wrote a letter to our son, an introduction of our family, and an announcement to Eli that he has a family and we’re coming-SOON-to bring him home. It’s safe to say, I’ve written A-L-O-T. Over ten years of college papers, a dissertation, and several years as a freelance writer. Still, I can say with certainty that this was the most challenging letter I’ve ever written.

How do you introduce yourself to someone you love so dearly but have never met?

How would you describe your family….to someone who will join it!?

How do you tell a little boy from a million miles away that you know it will be scary and sad for him to leave everything he’s known…but you will help him in any way that you can?

We had 600 words and 10 pictures to answer these and so many other questions.

In addition to the lofty questions, there are the practical ones! We don’t want to scare him or think that if we mention we love to swim and he hates it that he’ll have to swim! We wanted to use this opportunity to prepare him for this monumental transition but it was also a maddening battle of second-guessing. What if Obie’s bat-like ears and always-showing teeth terrify him? What was the best caption to describe our wheelchairs? Is having your own room a good thing if you’ve always slept in a room with other children?

So many questions and so many answers that we won’t learn until we get to know our sweet boy. In the end, we tried to capture a few bits of information about our family that might help begin to build his bridge to a new world. We shared how he has a little sister who cannot wait to meet him. We shared that he’ll go to school, can play games/sports if he likes, and is already loved by so many. Our letter was translated late last week and we’ve been told, today is the day. Eli will receive our letter and see our pictures. He will finally know that he has a family. He is so loved and we’re coming very soon to bring him home.

Since Eli can’t yet read, we know he’ll learn a great deal about us by looking at the picture book we included with our letter. Here are a few (not all) of the pictures, we chose to send. We also included a few pictures of family members and our home.: